Emergency preparedness from a Counterintelligence Agent

27 Signs You Might Be a Crazy Prepper =)

27 Signs You Might Be a Crazy Prepper =)

Some people won’t get these but some of you will appreciate them. If you can’t laugh at yourself, call me – I’ll laugh at you. BTW, I’m guilty of at least some of these. Here are 27 signs you might be a crazy prepper…

  1. You have a fully stocked supply of fish antibiotics for any situation. You don’t have any fish.
  2. You’ve practiced clearing your home so many times, you dream about it in your sleep. You realize the hardest thing about doing it in real life will be trying not to giggle.
  3. When buying groceries, you pretend to look at the ingredients but half the time, you buy them for the container. You don’t even need the container.
  4. You give a blistering commentary when Doomsday Preppers is on. You still take notes.
  5. Whenever you drink rum, you fantasize about vacationing on a deserted island so you could drink rum in a hammock and plan out how you’d defend it all from hoards of pirate marauders. And how you’d make rum.
  6. The local antique store greets you like Norm from Cheers and takes you to the back room where they’ve collected items just for you. You buy a third hand drill out of guilt.
  7. When you open a new fancy gift at Christmas, you thank them with a smile but secretly think, “WTF? This wouldn’t survive an EMP blast.”
  8. When one of your non-prepper friends perks up and tells you about how they just heard you can start a fire using dryer lint, you instinctively contort your face in disgust as you remember the smell. You wisely decide not to mention your ziplock bag of fuzzy belly-button treasure.
  9. A friend at work asks you what she should do about the bugs in her kitchen. Your eyes light up when you tell them about the surveillance detector you just got. You laugh and say “Just kidding” when she walks away as you scold yourself for the rookie OPSEC violation. You check the room for bugs.
  10. Someone in the pet food section holds up two cans of dogfood and asks you your opinion. You perk up and pull out a third one off the shelf and tell them how this one is pretty yummy with rice and Italian seasoning. You hide your amusement when they laugh at your joke. You weren’t joking.
  11. You buy ammo when it goes on sale for guns that you don’t even own, because, you know – barter!
  12. Your wife tells you to sweep the front room. Her eyes roll as a deep smile creeps onto your face. You grab your .45 and stack up on the door with your imaginary team as you practice your strong wall technique, calling out objects in the room and potential threat positions. You decide to clear the rest of the house “just in case.”
  13. You’ve accidentally melted/fried an electronic device when you turned on the oven or microwave being used as a makeshift faraday cage.
  14. You plan your cross-country trip based on concealed weapons reciprocity and possible food sources.
  15. You triage your garbage into Trash, Stuff I Might Still Need, and Obtanium.
  16. You bought the Twilight book series in hardcover so you could use the book covers for your ‘special’ books so as not to arouse suspicion. You smile at your ingenuity, then realize people will think you actually like your vampires sparkly. You decide to go back to the original cover on your Anarchist Cookbook.
  17. You watch an episode of Hoarders and all you can think is what a gold mine a place like that would be to find if SHTF.
  18. You totally ruin SHTF movies for your friends, commenting on its survival and tactical inaccuracies. 
  19. You totally undress a guy with your eyes as he walks by. Your wife turns to you and says, “what do you think?” You reply with, “knife in front right pocket – nothing to worry about.”
  20. You have to answer the challenge/password before you’re allowed to enter your kids’ rooms.
  21. You’ve considered converting to the LDS church so you could get a discount on survival food.
  22. You make a run to the store in the middle of the night for something even though you have 50 of them on a shelf because you might need those some day.
  23. You have backpacks and bags full of nothing but backpacks and bags.
  24. You have no problem using your debit card for most purchases but pay cash for certain things like suspicious books or fish antibiotics. You’re regretting using your card for those Twilight books.
  25. You stand on a hotel balcony overlooking a busy market and imagine what it would be like if society collapsed and your team were holed up there for the night. You start marking out your fields of fire and think, “I could totally snipe that guy from here.” You’re suddenly glad no one can hear your thoughts. You check the room for bugs.
  26. John has a long mustache!
  27. You overhear a conversation at a nearby table talking about Graywolf Survival and you instantly forget your social anxiety to sit down and talk to your new best friends.
About graywolfsurvival.com

I am a former federal agent and military veteran who has deployed to combat theaters in Africa, Iraq and Afghanistan and have almost three decades of military and military contracting experience.

My goal is to help families to understand how to intelligently protect their family and their way of life against real threats, without all the end-of-the-world doomsday crap.


  1. Nice

  2. There is nothing wrong with being prepared. Those who scoff would be first at your door if SHFT, that is, if they can get past your razor-wire and minefield.

  3. Mr. Gray wolf my cheeks hurt from the smirk I had on my face reading this article, totally loved it you may want to Moonlight as a comedian lol keep up the good work

  4. Patti DeLang says

    This was a hoot! While not a hard core pepper (yet?), I can certainly relate to many of these. I liked your mention of OPSEC. That is a hard item to get your mind around for many folks.

  5. so true…

  6. Your ideas are true and correct. Sometime we overthink things that’s why we end up like this.

  7. Well… anybody who doesn’t do at least the first half of #14 is just looking for trouble.

  8. While I laughed at your article, I also know the world today is getting on the verge of chaos. I’d rather be prepared for anything than worry when something happens. Can never stop being prepared!

  9. Preppaaja says


  10. Then LDS people sell to us heathens at the same prices they have posted on their website and on the order form.

  11. Bob Lamb says

    #26 Had to laugh at that one. I watch the movie, and laugh every time the old woman checks to see if there was something in the soup. Still guilty of a few on that list.

  12. 26b: The Chair is Against The Wall.

    Busted on a couple. I’m not saying which ones.

Speak Your Mind


Search this site
Return to top of page

Copyright 2016, All Rights Reserved. All content on this site is subject to copyright law and cannot be reproduced in part or in its entirety without express permission from the original author. In almost all cases, this will be me, Graywolf. Contact me at graywolfsurvival@gmail.com for permission. If you would like to include a short snapshot of my article (the preview paragraph) by way of RSS feed with a link to the rest of the article, please feel free to do so, and I thank you if you do. Disclosure: This is a professional review site that sometimes receives free merchandise from the companies whose products we review and recommend. We are independently owned and the opinions expressed here are our own.

GraywolfSurvival.com is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to (Amazon.com, or endless.com, MYHABIT.com, SmallParts.com, or AmazonWireless.com).